I saw the media I posted below today and had to put it on while I remembered. It has a lot of the comments people have said to me regarding depression, anxiety and not eating just stop doing it. The thing is I am like a tube of Pringles once I started I couldn’t stop or explain why I was self harming or not eating. Life is not always that simple nor things in black and white.
I will continue my story that is the subject my blog will be about. However I will blog in between about other things too mainly because even though I am writing my story down it brings back the memories about how I felt at the time.
On a positive note I feel like I am beginning to suss this blogging out….. Well kind of just click things and hope for the best.
Well this is a learning curve. Blogging seems a bit more confusing than first thought. As you can tell I have never wrote a blog before in my life. I hope someone will have a look at my blog and read my story. Tips on blogging are welcome too 🙂 .
A good place to start!
I have had depression on and off for 13 years (which is a long time). I honestly am not sure what was the trigger. I had a few things which may have contributed my Grandmother who I was extremely close to died when I was 13 I never got the chance to say goodbye as I had just got home from a family holiday and had exams at school. Around that time I was also being bullied at high school.
I have always had high standards that I set for myself (the way I look and what I can achieve). I was compared to other people when I was in my teens which did not help how I felt about myself. I felt like I was a failure compared to other people and failure was something I detested.
This gradually led me to start drowning in my own head and unable to fight the demons. I never spoke to anyone about how I felt. I just painted a smile on my face and carried on as if nothing was wrong.
The cracks eventually slowly began to show. I started to self harm just with objects with a sharp edge or my own nails never enough to draw blood. I was watching television one evening and on the news they were discussing suicide and self harm. A family member retorted “its a cowards way out”. I never told anyone I was self harming until 11 years later. I did not want to be known or seen as a coward.